Hell's Kitchen Journal: Travels With Patsy (1970)

 

 

 

 

Many of my friends and allies in the LGBT community know my sister Patsy. They just know her as Patsy like Cher or Madonna. She has always had my back and shares my wicked sense of humor. Throughout our lives we have had many wonderful moments together. Visiting this weekend with her in Denver, we started to reminisce about a trip we took throughout remote Utah and Western Colorado. The time was September, 1970 and the states had not yet been overcome with their rapid population growth.

Patsy brought out some notes she made on the trip and I thought I would share them with you. Here are Patsy notes from our journey in forty-three years ago.

"Clearly, Toto, I am not in Baltimore anymore. I have flown into Denver to meet David who is working on the Craig Barnes 'peace' campaign for Congress. The two of us rented a Ford Bronco and took off into the remote wilds of the West.

We have just gotten out of the foothills and into the mountains have run out of gas.

Upsetting? Annoying? No. We can't stop laughing.

We hitched a ride to the nearest gas station, got gas and the kind folks drove us back to the truck. I love the fact I was standing on a mountain road 'hitchhiking'!

We laughed even harder when the gas station guy said, 'Did you two know that there is an auxiliary tank that it is totally full?"

Once again, we set off. We are giddy as if we have been set free of the world problems. We are in our best hippie clothes.

We talk non-stop. We stay in cheap motels and do mean CHEAP motels!

We are eating in wonderful diners, with the juke box connection right on the table. We are playing country music. We are playing cowboy songs. Singing along with Patsy Cline, Merle Haggard, Jim Reeves, Johnny Cash, we are eating non-healthy and raging delicious dinner food.

We are on dirt roads that tightly hug the sides of mountain leaving little margin of error. A piece of big earth-moving equipment has plummeted off the side of the steep cliff.

Coming upon a deep stream, we are wondering how deep and if we can safely travel across it. I got out to test the depth by slowly wading into it. As I was doing that, a pickup truck pulled around the Bronco and went on through. It had only been a few inches deep but look how brave I have been.

The day is hot and sunny and we are on a long, flat dirt road through rock formations and in the middle of nowhere. Earlier another truck approached us with three men inside. One of them on the passenger side had a gun and was leaning out the window pointing it at us. Acutely aware of our hippie appearance, our hearts stopped in fear! As they got closer and closer, we felt that there was no place to hide. We prayed hard and it worked! God is good!

Our final stop is Lily Lake which is high up on the Western side of the Colorado mountains. The cabin was is so perfect we have changed from hippie to settler mode. It is quite chilly in the mornings and the mist lingers over the lake. Trampling through the woods, we are too disorganized to call it hiking, we are falling in love with this place.

This cabin is high up in the mountains among many peaks. They are covered with brilliant yellow aspen trees. From the front of our cabin is a big lake with lily's and wild ducks. There is no heat except for a wood burning stove. No electricity in any room except the kitchen and fortunately high water for my bath. Although it is a little hard to read in the tub by kerosene lamp. it is snowing tonight and we must chop wood for the wood stove or we will freeze to death!

This trip is exactly what we both needed at this time. Colorado is beautiful and it does look like the 'Sound of Music'. Utah, however, absolutely has wiped me out. I cannot begin to tell you how overwhelming it is to me. It is so desolate. It is very much keeping with my mood and I feel very tuned into it. The area is really cowboy country filled with tumbleweed, ranges, deserts, mesas, rocks, dust and cactus. There are millions of wildflowers, big birds and native Americans. I have taken many pictures but know they will never begin to capture what I saw. and certainly not how I feel right now"

Hell's Kitchen Journal: My Life With 'The Bomb'

 

 

 

All my 66 years has been lived under a constant threat of nuclear bombs.

Almost exactly one year before I was born, the United States dropped the first ever Atomic Bomb on Hiroshima. Never before had there been the capacity to cause some much death and devastation with one single weapon in one single second. From that moment forward, that single blast has defined my generation.

There was always sitting somewhere some nuclear threat that could change our lives forever. The Korean War was dominated by a debate on if nuclear weapons should be used against China. Even in Vietnam there were those yelling 'Nuke Them" as a way to win an immoral war. Smaller international confrontations like the Berlin Airlift, Hungarian Uprising and others always put us just on the edge.

Then came the Cuban Missile Crisis.

Suddenly the possibility of a nuclear war was no longer a remote concept on paper or an event that would take place on another continent. The possibility was 90 miles off our shore and the missiles could reach all the major East Coast cities. As a child, I remembered Mom creating a messy 'shelter' in our basement with some food and blankets just in case. People were building bomb shelters everywhere. When Americans jets flew low over our cities people hit the floor.

Ironically the crisis brought to American youth the sense of a limited life. Combined with the escalation in Vietnam, the spread of nuclear weapons hung over the heads of future generations. Young people protested the war. They also celebrated as if there was no tomorrow. Sex, drugs and rock'n roll became a way of life in the counter culture.

As access to knowledge became readily available through computers and media, other nations joined the nuclear club. Suddenly it wasn't just a small club of four or five but India, China and Pakistan joined the elites. The movement began to limit membership and tell other emerging nations that they were forbidden to develop them.

Massive protests against nuclear weapons and power took place in the early 1980's with millions upon millions around the world taking part in anti-nuclear demonstrations. People were frantic to rid the world of these weapons of mass destruction, Despite these massive pleas from the people not one nation dropped out of the nuclear club or any other nation stopped their research and development.

After 9/11, America knew how vulnerable we had become to outside forces. No longer did oceans and mountains separate us from the troubles of the world. The terrorists had brought it home to America. Now, the threat of nuclear weapons being smuggled in and set off in a major city was no longer the stuff of action films.

Even the hint of having nuclear weapons is enough to take us to war. President George W. Bush used that fear to lie and move us into the Iraq War. Pakistan, day in and day out, has the possibility of having their nuclear weapons taken over my Islamic militants as a side product of the Afghanistan War. Israel could soon bomb Iran because of nuclear weapons. A 29 year old idiot in North Korea has the ability to put us on the brink of a major nuclear episode.

After 66 years of living under the threat of nuclear weapons, does an entire city has be destroyed like Hiroshima to finally bring sanity back? God, I hope not but nothing seems to move leaders to stop this craziness. The escalation and fear just keeps growing and growing and growing.......

Hell's Kitchen Journal: Burnt Out

 

 

 

Over the years, I have had to struggle with many difficult situations that required great strength for me to survive. Of course the devastation of HIV/AIDS defined much of my life. There was also a bankruptcy, a nervous breakdown, alcoholism and a huge organizing failure called The Great Peace March. Being a flawed person has taught me to understand other people's struggles and demons.

This week, in a courtroom in Washington, D.C., activist Dan Choi seem to be struggling with personal demons. This should not come as any surprise to those of us who have spent years in one movement or another. Time and time again I have seen people traveling at high rates of speed to create change only to suffer 'burn out'. Many, when they have recovered, never return to activism and others return with a new fire and vision.

Friends of Choi said he could be suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and other related demons that come from it. He deserves our compassion, love and support. From my personal experience, it is important that his close friends ensure that he receives excellent care and treatment, lots of rest and not enable him to ignore his personal situation.

The Washington Blade describes Choi's appearance in the court room:

“I apologize for my emotions but I don’t apologize for my humanity,” Choi told Facciola as he represented himself without an attorney.

When Facciola pronounced Choi guilty beyond a reasonable doubt, Choi replied that he would appeal the verdict. When the judge announced the sentence would be limited to a $100 fine, which many of Choi’s supporters considered a rebuke to prosecutors, Choi shouted, “I refuse to pay it…Send me to jail.”

“You have a right to appeal,” Facciola said before adjourning the trial without responding to Choi’s assertion that he would not pay the fine.

“This trial began in August 2011 and was suspended, and what do you think Dan was doing for the next two years,” asked Choi’s friend, former Army Capt. James Pietrangelo, an attorney who provided Choi with legal help. “This case was basically crushing him to death. And you saw the result of his mental state in there today.”

Pietrangelo told supporters before the trial resumed on Thursday that Choi was struggling with a recurring bout of post-traumatic stress disorder. Choi has said in media interviews that the stress disorder stemmed from his combat duty in the Iraq war, where he served as an Arabic linguist and field engineer.

*******************

After losing the appeal, Choi dismissed his lawyers, who had been providing pro bono representation, and announced he would represent himself going forward in an action known as pro se representation.

Over the past several months, Choi — with help from lawyers behind the scenes — introduced a flurry of procedural motions that Facciola denied. Choi also filed subpoenas to call 21 government and law enforcement officials, including Secret Service agents, to testify at the trial as defense witnesses. Facciola granted a series of motions by prosecutor George to quash the subpoenas for nearly all of the witnesses Choi sought to call.

At the trial on Thursday, Choi called just four witnesses, two U.S. Park Police officers who played a role in his arrest at the White House fence and two people who supported his defense – lesbian former Army Sgt. Mariam Ben-Shalom and Rev. C.T. Vivian, a nationally recognized civil rights leader and colleague of Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. during the 1960s civil rights movement.

Choi asked Vivian on the witness stand about his philosophy on civil rights and what he thought about Choi’s arrest at the White House. Vivian acknowledged that he was not present at the protest in which Choi was arrested and could not offer an opinion.

“As far as I’m concerned, you were there in my heart,” Choi told him.

Ben-Shalom, who was among the protesters arrested with Choi at the 2010 White House protest, testified that she supports Choi’s First Amendment right to participate in such a protest.

Choi questioned U.S. Park Police Lt. Robert LaChance and Park Police Sgt. Timothy Hodge, who he called as witnesses to discuss the procedures and actions surrounding Choi’s arrest at the White House protest. Both played a role in Choi’s arrest. In response to Choi’s questions, the two said they did not single out Choi for his political beliefs and had no knowledge of whether higher ups at the Park Police sought to target Choi or any of the other protesters for their political views related to DADT.

Choi also pressed the officers on what he has claimed all along – that the order by police directed the protesters to leave the sidewalk in front of the White House when Choi and some of the others were standing on a ledge to which the White House fence is attached. In what Choi and his supporters acknowledge is a technicality, Choi has argued that he could not be legally charged with disobeying an order to leave the sidewalk if he was not on the sidewalk when the order was issued.

Facciola, however, said when handing down his verdict that prosecutor George established sufficient evidence through police witnesses that the order called on Choi and the other protesters to leave the area of the fence, not just the sidewalk.

One of the most dramatic moments of Thursday’s trial session came when Choi played a video, while LaChance was on the witness stand, of the 2009 interview of Choi by Rachel Maddow, in which Choi came out as gay. He said the video would provide evidence helpful to his case.

But with the lights dimmed in the courtroom and the video playing on several screens, Choi began to sob uncontrollably before shouting to the judge, “The defense rests!” He then called on Facciola to immediately begin the closing arguments for the trial.

Facciola responded by calling a recess for lunch, prompting Choi to lie on the courtroom floor yelling and cursing. At Facciola’s orders, two U.S. Marshals lifted Choi from the floor, carried him out of the courtroom and into an elevator. It couldn’t immediately be determined where they took Choi.

But when the trial resumed about two hours later, Choi returned to the courtroom with Ben-Shalom helping him walk. After George delivered her closing argument, Choi delivered a 40-minute closing argument in which he discussed his views on civil rights, religion, the First Amendment, the Iraq war and strife between Iraq’s Shiite and Sunni Muslim factions, among other topics that Choi said touched on his theme of justice and equality.

At various times during the trial and in his closing argument Choi spoke in Arabic.

“The lesson we learned today is we need to start taking care of our activists who are willing to stand up and fight back against injustice,” Ben-Shalom said after the trial ended. “Today we have as pure an example as I can ever come up with about the toll it takes on a human being to stand up and fight back,“ she said.

My heart goes out to Dan and hopefully with needed rest and excellent care he will be back among the ranks of warriors. We need him but most of all we need to care for him and love him unconditionally. It is a great healing force.

Hell's Kitchen Journal: GLAAD Things Have Changed; Growing Up Gay Without Information

 

 

 

Sitting and watching the nominated shows last night at the GLAAD Awards there was no getting around the stark fact of LGBT Americans successful journey. Over and over again doing the packed dinner we were shown clips of television shows that had healthy whole LGBT characters who have a sexuality.

It wasn't always this good.

In my childhood there was nothing positive for me to embrace as a gay kid. There were no magazine stories, movies, television shows nor coverage in the newspaper of successful role models. In fact, it was just the opposite.

LGBT Americans weren't even allowed on television as characters until Billy Crystal in "Soap". In movies we were portrayed either as the comic lonely side kick to the female star or the perverted and dangerous figure lurking in the dark ready to kill the main lead.

If you were gay in the media you were likely to be the target of blackmail or destruction by the press. Newspapers only published stories when gay males were arrested in the parks. They published their names and addresses often leading to suicide or total humiliation.

In high school, the only definition for me was looking it up in the dictionary. Never will I forget looking up the word homosexual. First of all, I thought everyone in the library might see me do it. Second, when my hands stopped shaking I found that I was 'perverted', 'sick' and 'dangerous to society'. That wasn't exactly a builder of my self-esteem.

Last night the media clips showed over and over again two men or two women kissing. Never will forget the first time I saw two men kisses in public. I thought they might explode right there on the spot and vanish forever. When I went to see the ground breaking movie 'Making Love' and the two leads kissed all the straights in the audience booed the screen.

Don't ever doubt our progress and over the years GLAAD has made it better. They are working now to include more positive portrayals of our brothers and sisters in the Transgender community and they are being successful.

Times have changed dramatically. Young people today can see openly gay stars playing straight roles, straights playing gay roles, passionate kisses on screen that come from love and healthy successful LGBT Americans at every level of life.

It is indeed a wonderful world.

Hell's Kitchen Journal: What Might Have Been Another Path For Me?

 

 

 

One of my favorite dinner party conversations is when friends describe what they would have chosen if they had to pick another life path back at the beginning. Most are totally happy how their journey has unfolded but there are fascinating insights into your friends as they describe alternative dreams. Often you discover entire new sides of individuals you never knew existed

When I have been ask 'the question' I am as certain of the answer as I am of my joy with my real life journey.

There is no question I would have become a veterinarian working to saving endangered species in Africa. The more remote and the more adventure the happier I would have been with my alternative journey.

This can't come as a shock or really offer new insights to those that know me since it would combine two of the greatest loves of my life - Africa and wildlife.

Every time I make a trip to Africa it feels as if I have come home. Perhaps in another life I was that Robert Redford character in the movie "Out of Africa". The smells, the sounds, the people and the wildlife all seem so close to my senses and my heart.

Even now given the opportunity and health permitted, I would seize an opportunity to spend my remaining years helping the wildlife and people of that magnificent continent.

Can't you see me in my safari outfit with that very special wide brim hat whispering to precious wildlife that I will take care of them? The image of leaning over the wounded creature and gently stroking them to relax them so a team of us could heal them just makes my heart sing.

Of course, I would have to have a pet chimp, who always got into trouble but adored me, that would ride around on my back. This would add to the eccentric but jolly image I would want to have in such situations. Riding for hours out into the savannah, I would search for that one creature who needs healing. Just having the opportunity to maybe make it possible for an endangered species to thrive for future generations to witness in the wild would yield the greatest satisfaction.

Now I would still want to be gay and not ever change that factor from my current journey but would want as a husband a hot fellow vet who smiled at my eccentric nature and worked by my side. Sleeping together under the African sky and knowing that in the morning we would just simply continue our remarkable adventure together.

Ah yes, excuse me, I have to leave you now to go pack my bags.......

Hell's Kitchen Journal: When Did I Know I was Gay?

 

 

 

Coy Mathias

This week the case of young six year old Transgender student has gained a lot of attention. Katie Couric featured it on her show. The highly respected Trangender Legal Defense Fund (TLDF) has taken the young child's case. A friend of mine expressed skepticism about the case and the young age of the plaintiff. The friend said the young child couldn't possibly know about being Transgender.

Here are the key points in the case of young six year old Coy Mathis in Colorado:

* The Transgender Legal Defense and Education fund (TLDEF) reported that Coy Mathis "was labeled male at birth, but has always known that she is a girl, and has expressed that since she was 18 months old."

* The child has worn girls clothing at school and has used the girls restrooms, the organization reported. However, in mid-December, the Fountain-Fort Carson School District informed Coy's parents that she would be prevented from continuing to use the girls' restroom after the winter break. Instead, the child needed to use the boys' bathroom, a staff bathroom or the nurse's bathroom.

* According to a letter sent by TLDEF to the district superintendent, the Colorado Anti-Discrimination Act prevents the withholding of public accommodations at educational institutions based on sexual orientation. The term "sexual orientation" includes transgender status, the organization stated.

* In response , an attorney for the school district stated that the child has not been denied the full and equal enjoyment of the educational services, facilities, privileges, advantages or accommodations of the school.

Coy's mother Kathryn, who is home-schooling her now, stated,

"We want Coy to return to school to be with her teachers, her friends, and her siblings, but we are afraid to send her back until we know that the school is going to treat her fairly. She is still just 6 years old, and we do not want one of our daughter's earliest experiences to be our community telling her she's not good enough."

Upon reflection, there is no question that when I was six that I knew that I was different from everyone else and had fantasies about men. In fact, what shocks me today isn't that fact that I knew I was 'gay' or 'different', is that I knew innately that I couldn't share that information with anyone. Where does a six year old get such wisdom on such a complex issue?

Especially in the 1950's when there was Internet, no magazine stories and absolutely no discussion about it within families - at least with children. When I was in teens I remember my father saying at the dinner table that a family was better off with their child dead than being queer. Of course with that message I knew to keep my secret but that wasn't until years later.

There is no question in my mind that it is possible for Coy to know of her Transgender status and how fortunate she is to have such loving and understanding parents. Coy will face enormous number of challenges ahead but one won't be living a lie day in and day out.

Hell's Kitchen Journal: Five New Places Added To My Completed Bucket List

 

 

When I created my bucket list several decades ago, it consisted of twenty-five places around the world I wanted to see in my lifetime. Several years ago when I was sitting on the Great Wall of China, all twenty-five places on my list had been completed. My list ranged from the obvious places such as St. Petersburg, the Pyramids, Grand Canyon and more esoteric remote places in Africa that held a particular fascination for me.

So this morning, feeling in great health, here are five new places or adventures on my brand new bucket list.

1. Tour Namibia

Want to explore the entire country from the ship wrecks and sand dunes on the coast to the Bwabwata National Park all the way in the northeast.

2. Arctic Circle/ Northern Lights

Want to travel to Finland and fly to the Arctic Circle and stay in the glass igaloos and watch the northern lights at night. In addition, want to take a reindeer sleigh ride

3. The Singita Tented Safari camp in Tanzania

Want to return to Tanzani and stay in a tented camp on the Singita Grumeti Reserves. There is remote concession called Sabora Tented Camp where I want to spend a week!

4. Ntokou-Pikounda National Park In The Congo (Lowland Gorillas)

This is the newest National Park in the Eastern Congo and it is home to over 50,000 Western Lowland Gorillas. Want to make friends with them!

5. Travel The Balkans including Sarajevo and Dalmatian Coast of Croatia

Want to go the stunning Dalmatian Coast and throughout the Sarajevo areas of Bosnia.

Hell's Kitchen Journal: President's Day Is Just Wrong!

 

 

 

President's Day is not the perfect holiday. The special day has cheated young school children, slighted our First President and made me honor people I don't want to honor.

In my childhood, we got both Lincoln's birthday (February 12) and George Washington's birthday (February 22) off from school. For each of these President's we would have fun projects like make a stove pipe hat, cut Lincoln's and Washington's profiles out of construction paper or promise never to chop down Cherry Trees. The two Presidents were deservedly revered for their accomplishments in building this great nation.

Now some politicians were insisting that we had to honor all the President's or suddenly we would have six or eight holidays a year for other Presidents. First of all, what is wrong with that? We don't have enough holidays anyway! Second, it is like going to Mount Rushmore and chiseling off all the faces since there isn't any room for more.

Yoko Uno Day?

Now it doesn't matter that neither of the two President's birthday might not actually fall on the official holiday. This year the holiday falls on February 18. In actuality we are celebrating the births of Dr. Dre, Vanna White, Molly Ringwald, Yoko Ono or Jillian Michaels. Really, what have they done to have an entire nation celebrate their birthdays? Poor George Washington wasn't born until this coming Friday.

Besides do we really want to celebrate all the Presidents?

Can't see me getting excited enough to raise a glass of wine to good ole James Buchanan, Warren Harding or Calvin Coolidge? Does poor old William Henry Harrison deserve to be honored since he died after only one month in office because he didn't have the sense to come in out of the rain? Millard Filmore (photograph above)? Really? The man signed the "Fugitive Slave Act" to track down runaway slaves.

So now we are treated to actors dressed as our beloved Washington and Lincoln selling used cars or sofas on sale for $599! There are no stories about Valley Forge or learning to read by the fireplace in a log cabin. Warren Harding equals George Washington.

As we say back home, "This just ain't right".

Hell's Kitchen Journal: That Special Lazy Day

 

 

 

Blizzard Nemo for New Yorkers was the perfect blizzard. We got the excitement of the storm, the blowing winds and just the right amount of snow. A foot is a good storm but not a paralyzing one. Most people won't even have to shovel their cars out since you can usually just barge out of your parking places.

What makes the storm even better is you just don't have to go anywhere or do anything because you have the perfect excuse! After all, there was a blizzard last night!

The result is that people are granted a special lazy day. You can stay in your pajamas, wear those worn slippers and even walk around with that awful bed hair that looks like a nightmare version of Lyle Lovett! You can read, catch up with old friends on the phone and take little naps with your pets. Even clean up that closet or the apartment a little bit so it has a sense of cleanliness but not requiring a lot of energy to be expended.

For me, Robert Kaplan's book 'The Revenge of Geography' is calling out my name to be read today. Might even shift through my DVD's in the chest that the cat's bed is on and see if I am tempted to watch old movies just one more time. The problem is that I want to see so many of the classics that I usually can't make a decision and ignore them all. Guess I better order soon that Netflick direct thingie so there is even greater choices to bring me to a total stalemate.

The sun has even come out after the passage of Blizzard Nemo and they are content to lie in the sun as if they had the best reservation in South Beach. Always am amazed how much they sleep and they never get sunburn. My oldest cat Uganda is like a watch. She knows exactly what time and where each sunbeam enters the apartment. She follows the sun like she was a sundial.

So, off I go to grab a book, search for DVD and shut out the world. Thanks Nemo!

Hell's Kitchen Journal: Let The Game Begin (Or Downton Abbey)!

 

 

 

The nation has a new holiday and it is Super Bowl Sunday. The fact of the matter is that if the Super Bowl was played on a weekday, Congress would be forced by public pressure to declare it a new national holiday. Like Thanksgiving and Christmas the holiday is about food with the emphasis on casual food but tons of it. Buffets tables will be groaning under pizza, tacos, pigs wrapped in blankets, chips, dip, exotic beers and some speciality dish depending if you are a Ravens or Forty-Niner Fan.

Performers are dying to anchor the half time show since it is one more validation that you are indeed at the top of your game. Being picked to perform they join in one event the legendary Madonna, Rolling Stones and lets not forget the famous Janet Jackson moment. Beyonce knocked the silly skeptics out of the park by singing the national anthem A cappella at her Super Bowl Press Conference. She is already a winner.

This year my heart (initially) belonged to San Francisco. The Tony Bennett song kept swirling in my head and besides the City by the Bay is home to a large LGBT community. Then a new virus started sweeping the 49's and rampant homophobia staring pouring out of some of its players. In a bizarre tale, two players who had participated in "It Gets Better" video swore they never appeared until shown the ad. Then they proclaimed they thought it was just against bullying and didn't involve LGBT kids. Duh?

So without hesitation or looking back I have shifted my allegiance to the Baltimore Ravens and the color purple. Besides I should have known better from the beginning since the team is the home of the forceful straight ally Brendon Ayanbadego. What was I thinking?

The real dilemma about this whole sporting event this year has hardly been discussed in the press.

For those of us who are "Downton Abbey" fans, the Super Bowl is on at the same time. Not that is really a very serious situation. Before you fill up the comments section, yes I know I can tape "Downton Abbey" but it is just not the same. Clearly the answer lies in the score. If one team (the Ravens) has a big lead then you can afford to see what happens following last weeks shocking episode of the English show.

Putting on my best purple Raven colors, with a nice snack and a remote in hand in case it is time to switch to that handsome Irish revolutionary on "Downton Abbey", I am ready for the Super Bowl and to participate fully in yet another national holiday in America!